It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to, See somehow I can't forget you, After all that we've been through, Going coming thought I heard a knock, Who's there no one, Thinking that I deserve it, Now I realize that I really didn't know,If you didn't notice you mean everything, Quickly I'm learning to love again, All I know is I'mma be ok, Thought I couldn't live without you, It's gonna hurt when it heals too, It'll all get better in time, Even though I really love you, I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to, It'll all get better in time, I couldn't turn on the TV, Without something there to remind me, Was it all that easy, To just put aside your feelings, If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh, Hurt my feelings but that's the path, I'll believe in, And I know time will heal it,If you didn't notice boy you mean everything, Quickly I'm learning to love again, All I know is I'mma be ok, Since there's no more you and me, It's time I let you go, So I can be free, And live my life how it should be, No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you, Yes I will, Thought I couldn't live without you, It's gonna hurt when it heals too, It'll all get better in time, Even though I really love you, I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to, It'll all get better in time.
I find it hilarious how much i pester other people not to under estimate me, when i do it myself. I've managed not to break my silence with him, i've managed not to fall back to him when times are rough, i've learned that he's not my 'everything' and even though i did speak to him the other day, and i said everything was cool between us, i still really despise him. I'm so proud of myself, and i know so is spam, and jazz, bambi and dayle and any of the other people who told me that what i was letting him do was inhumane on my part and that i should stop him abusing me, and i figured the only way to get that was to talk to him, and if all else fails, completely ignore him. The boy had the biggest hold on me that anyones ever had, he could charm me at anytime and i'd fall straight back at his feet, but he treated me like actual shit. I never believed in myself, i never thought i was strong enough to break that bond. For 3 whole years, he's been the one person my entire life revolved around, i became cautious because, he has the worst temper in the world, and the slightest thing can anger him, meaning silence. I couldn't stand the silence, when i'd find something to talk to him about, he would act like it meant nothing, when i couldn't find anything to catch his attention, i'd spread a rumor, or do something to piss him off, which would make him have to unblock me on msn, talk to me, even if it was to have a go. I cant believe how pathetic i've been for the past 3 years, he's not/ never was a best friend, he honestly meant everything to me and now means nothing, I almost lost my best friends because of him, and to be quite honest, all he's caused my life is pain and shit.
Who needs someone like him? Not me. And im just glad to be rid, if im completely honest.
'Beex
