When we fall in love, we just fall in,

in love with ourselves, we're spiralling.

I broke a promise to myself last night. It seems, im not great at keeping them these days. So, i promised myself to get him out of my life, completely, and i was honestly doing quite well, going over a month without talking to him, which tbh is a record for me. But then something came over me, and i added him again, i dont know why, and i soon found myself talking to him.

Oh why Oh why Oh why Oh why

am i getting myself into this

again.

I honestly dont know what my problem is, and i really do want out, but at times i feel so alone, and sometimes, he really is the only one who can fix it. 3 years, & he knows me better than anyone, its just, scary. I want out, i wish i wish i wish he never had a hold of me like he does. I have better friends, I have people who mean alot more and who treat me alot nicer than he ever has, but i dont know, gahh, why cant i just get rid of him and get it over and done with, without going back to him every few weeks, starting again and being hurt, once more? Why do i keep doing this, & why am i so fucking attached? 3 years should mean nothing, Its a long time but me and my best friend of 5 years and i went seperate ways after a fight, why cant i just do the same with him? I dont believe in love, i know i never 'loved' him, so it cant be that.

I just want answers. Whats he got on me that means i cant let go? fuck sakes.

I need help to do this, i need everyone backing me up and right now, i feel like i dont have the people i really need to help me through this.

Okay, so i need to buck up my ideas; i dont want to do this, i need to do this. I just need to figure out how im gonna. & stick to it.

'Beex