And now, the end is near;
omgitsbee
Dec 31, 2008
And so I face the final curtain. My friend, Ill say it clear, Ill state my case, of which Im certain. Ive lived a year thats full, Ive traveled each and every highway; And more, much more than this, I did it my way. Regrets, Ive had a few; But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do, And saw it through without exemption. I planned each charted course, Each careful step along the byway, But more, much more than this, I did it my way. Yes, there were times, Im sure you knew, When I bit off more than I could chew. But through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all and I stood tall; And did it my way. Ive loved, Ive laughed and cried. Ive had my fill; my share of losing. And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing.To think I did all that; And may I say - not in a shy way, No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.
So, 2008 is almost over. I have just, merely 2 hours and 25 minutes left of '08. And what can i say, im not sure if i should say this has been my best year, or my worst. Its been full of so much shit, but then, karma brought me some amazing people, who im not sure i deserve yet, but, i'ma enjoy every minute with them anyways. So this year has been pretty cool. I met Jazz, my best friend who im never gonna let go. Ever. And, then i met all the gib lads, who, may i say, are amazing. Im not sure they realise just what they mean to me, for, without them, i'd probably still be being used by my 'best friend', Sam David Davies and Nathan Combes are both legends because tbh, they sat with me whilst i talked about how much i loved him, and then they sat with me whilst i cried over how much he'd hurt me. Nathan told me that he wasnt worth anything, and to be honest he was so blunt, that it hurt but it helped, alot. Nathan got me over him, whilst Sam let me cry and cry until everything was gone. Until no more tears could be shed.
So much shit has happened. I thought, at this time last year, that i would never be happy again. my best friend had just left to america, and i was getting emails pretty much nightly about how much she hated it. i thought that the only thing that could make me happy was seeing her smile again. So i ditched everyone, everything, any possible reminders of her, or the life we'd lived in the whole 2007. I cant believe i wasted so many months alone, so many months griefing for something i lost. I never once thought that it could get better, never in a million fucking years. But suddenly, i got closer to him, close like we used to be, when we first started talking. everything felt, remotely, normal? He'd hurt me once, i never thought he was capable of hurting me again. Soon he proved my theory wrong, when i was used and blackmailed and left feeling violated by him. I felt disgustied, i felt like it was all my fault. This was when i started to feel so close with my gibraltan friends, with all the guys, and jazz. This is when i realised that the only one i really needed was jazz. This is when i realised what a best friend actually was. I lost a year of my life thinking that my best friend was in fact, a best friend. Pfft.
I dont know what to say tbh. Im really not sure if this year has been a good one; and i always say i'll make the next count, but i never do. Im totally pissed off about this year, i'm totally pissed of with myself that my biggest accomplishment was, making a new best friend. I know thats a hhuge accomplishment, and im very proud of it, but i just; i expected more. i expected something great.
i hope 2009 isnt a disappointment. I hope 2009 really does bring me 'love', as it claims in my horoscopes. I hope 2009, really is, the year of my life.
'Beex
